Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Looking Backward - Mellow Mood

I've just begun to get to know a blogger friend/expat who lives in Finland and we've been exchanging emails 'coz we have some similarities. I've dug up some old blog posts to send her some of the links so that she can get to know me better (it's more practical that way so that I don't have to write all over again some things I've written down in my other blog).

While trying to find those old blog posts, I reread some of them and in some of them, I came across posts filled with my wish of leaving some legacy to our future kids and grandkids (even though at that time we didn't plan to have kids yet 'coz I just moved to Finland and I needed time to study the language and adjust with my new life), but the thought of leaving something for the future generation had been on my mind. One legacy that I was thinking about was our saved emails - our "electronic love letters". At that point in time, I would love to have our kids and grandkids enjoy the legacy of our long-distance love story. I didn't really have time to think this over because I'd been busy at work.

However, today (it's my day off from work) I was reminded of this when I visited another blogger friend's blog. She had just posted her weekly scrapbook of her family. She said that she had started to rethink what to put in the weekly scrapbook so that the future generation knew what kind of things (gadgets, incidents, games, jokes, events) exist/happen in the past life that they enjoy that may no longer exist in the future.

Reading that post reminded me of one of the broken dreams I had to let go when we decided to think of the future with kids. I had forgotten that it was even on my mind before we even started TTC and now it has resurfaced. It makes me kinda mellow - mostly because I'm probably a bit shocked of the existence of this "hole" that IF has created. I know I'm gonna be just fine, though...but this just took me by surprise...

Anyhow, another type of loss is the kind of financial/earthly belonging legacy that we're going to leave someday when we're dead. I once told hubby that if I died first, I wanted him to send half of my money to my brother. He can keep the other half as well as my jewelleries.

It's not that I care too much about what happens after we're dead, but it'll just be nicer if the things we leave behind are meaningful to someone, don't you think? Someone who can look at our photos and remember the many memories he/she has with us...someone who, upon holding some of my jewelleries, remembers my stories about where they're from (a gift from Mom, a gift from an aunt, bought by me, etc)...someone who, upon holding our pictures, remembers our love story.

I guess today's one of those days...a day I should spend in mourning over these losses...My mellow mood may also be caused by PMS, but I know I'll be fine in the end, because: